Sunday, June 1, 2014

A Daughter

So I had been meaning to write this post for a few weeks now.  While I have been busy, really I have been avoiding thinking about this particular post.

Last year I talked about how happy and content I was during May.  I was happy for the nice weather and things were finally starting to settle down in my life.  While all of that is still true, this particular Mother's Day was hard.

#tbt Mom and I.  See I've always been cute :)

The first mother's day after my mom passed away was just dreadful.  I was inundated with awful daytime TV that talked about Mother's Day ad nauseam.  It was an assault to my sense and I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and let the day pass without me.  Last year, I was okay with holiday.  Still a little sad but it came up so quickly that I just went with the flow.

This year was a mix of both and it made me angry.  I was just angry at all of the commercialism that was taking place.  As I reflected on my relationship with my mom, I think I did a pretty good job of letting her know that I loved her and that she was important to me.  Why did I need a specific day then to show her what I thought I was evident everyday?

So the emails, the commercials, the sales, the ads and the restaurants just rubbed salt in this hatred for the holiday.  I wasn't mad at mothers or the love that was being shown just that commercialism dictated it to  happen.

I know that kind of sounds like a cranky curmudgeon but I couldn't help how I felt.  I did however have some amazing women help me make the most of the weekend.

My Aunt

Aunt Suzie coloring my hair on Saturday morning :)
Selfie while getting my hair colored

I am so thankful to have her in my life.  She and I miss my mom so much but we are able to move on together.  She has helped me so much with everything but especially before and after the surgery.  She and I are even getting matching tattoos of an angel to honor my mom.  My mom loved angels and our Christmas tree is covered primarily in angel ornaments.  

I am getting it in Black and Grey on my Shoulder
Aunt Becky and Aunt Fran

Had a great dinner on Saturday with some of my favorite ladies.  Love you Aunt Becky
That look that Aunt Becky is giving me is just perfect
First of all, they are some of my most devoted readers.  I get texts if I haven't posted in awhile.

I get all my nerdiness from Aunt Fran
Mathra!  Where's the Butter! -- Mystery Science Theater 3000

In general, some of my best adventures of my childhood involved these women.  Whether it was a sleep over and chasing Raider (their dog) around the living room.  Jumping on the little trampoline and then crashing on the couch to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000.  I have always loved spending time with them.  The best thing is that they loved my mom so much and I just want to soak up all of the memories and stories they have of her.

Of course there are many others but these women were so awesome this year.  Instead of letting me mope around the house during Mother's Day we went out and had dinner.  It made me feel a little less alone

After this weekend I finished The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and while there were many things that made me cry in this book the following quote just summed up how I was feeling regarding Mother's Day.

"you won't be a mother anymore." "As long as either of us is alive, I will be your mother," she said. "Even when you die, I will still be your mom, Hazel. I won't stop being your mom."
While I am not a mother the thought that I was no longer a daughter rolled around in my mind that weekend.  I really needed to hear read that even though my mom is gone I am still her daughter and she is still my mom.  I hope that I make her proud.

<3 Heather

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