A Daughter

So I had been meaning to write this post for a few weeks now.  While I have been busy, really I have been avoiding thinking about this particular post.

Last year I talked about how happy and content I was during May.  I was happy for the nice weather and things were finally starting to settle down in my life.  While all of that is still true, this particular Mother's Day was hard.

The first mother's day after my mom passed away was just dreadful.  I was inundated with awful daytime TV that talked about Mother's Day ad nauseam.  It was an assault to my sense and I just wanted to bury my head in the sand and let the day pass without me.  Last year, I was okay with holiday.  Still a little sad but it came up so quickly that I just went with the flow.

This year was a mix of both and it made me angry.  I was just angry at all of the commercialism that was taking place.  As I reflected on my relationship with my mom, I think I did a pretty good job of letting her know that I loved her and that she was important to me.  Why did I need a specific day then to show her what I thought I was evident everyday?

So the emails, the commercials, the sales, the ads and the restaurants just rubbed salt in this hatred for the holiday.  I wasn't mad at mothers or the love that was being shown just that commercialism dictated it to  happen.

I know that kind of sounds like a cranky curmudgeon but I couldn't help how I felt.  I did however have some amazing women help me make the most of the weekend.

My Aunt

Selfie while getting my hair colored

I am so thankful to have her in my life.  She and I miss my mom so much but we are able to move on together.  She has helped me so much with everything but especially before and after the surgery.  She and I are even getting matching tattoos of an angel to honor my mom.  My mom loved angels and our Christmas tree is covered primarily in angel ornaments.  

I am getting it in Black and Grey on my Shoulder

Aunt Becky and Aunt Fran

That look that Aunt Becky is giving me is just perfect

First of all, they are some of my most devoted readers.  I get texts if I haven't posted in awhile.

Mathra!  Where's the Butter! -- Mystery Science Theater 3000

In general, some of my best adventures of my childhood involved these women.  Whether it was a sleep over and chasing Raider (their dog) around the living room.  Jumping on the little trampoline and then crashing on the couch to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000.  I have always loved spending time with them.  The best thing is that they loved my mom so much and I just want to soak up all of the memories and stories they have of her.

Of course there are many others but these women were so awesome this year.  Instead of letting me mope around the house during Mother's Day we went out and had dinner.  It made me feel a little less alone

After this weekend I finished The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and while there were many things that made me cry in this book the following quote just summed up how I was feeling regarding Mother's Day.

"you won't be a mother anymore." "As long as either of us is alive, I will be your mother," she said. "Even when you die, I will still be your mom, Hazel. I won't stop being your mom."

While I am not a mother the thought that I was no longer a daughter rolled around in my mind that weekend.  I really needed to hear read that even though my mom is gone I am still her daughter and she is still my mom.  I hope that I make her proud.

<3 Heather

#Selfies and #TBT

Hey there, I know I have been gone for almost a month but let me tell you that I missed all of you.  I know some of my family who reads this wondered if everything was okay (I'm looking at you Aunt Francy :) ) but really life just got in the way for a bit.

In general my mojo for knitting was at an all time low.  I cranked out a bunch of projects that I am proud of but my lust for the next project decreased.  It also doesn't help that my phone was on the fritz and I was two weeks away from a new one.  Alas, as much as I want to use my nice camera for all of my photos of my projects I usually remember about 10 minutes before I leave for work on Wednesdays to take a picture.

So armed with a new phone I have good intentions to post regularly again but my habits are beginning to change.  Since February, I have been going to the gym regularly after work.  The weight loss combined with the physical changes to my body have been awesome but I am tired when I get home now and really don't have much more motivation than to read a book.  And read I have, seriously I have read 50 books already this year and it's only April.

So my knitting and crochet has stalled but I know it will return.  In the meantime, let's get back into the swing of things with a few pictures that have been floating around recently.

First the #selfies.  I admit, that I like taking them on occasion and even used to take them back in the day with disposable cameras, hoping the picture would come out. Anyway, here are a few that I have taken recently.

Taken in February...Bored on a Friday

Just got my teeth cleaned at the dentist!

At the end of March, I went out to Philadephia to visit Lucy.  She's getting married next June and this was the only time her Bridesmaids could get together to look at dresses.  Anyway I had some extra time planned and visited Becky while I was out there.  Of course we took a Selfie :)

Becky and I :)

Honestly, I had a great time and am so happy that Lucy found a gorgeous dress when we were out there.  Granted she had to get the final mom seal of approval but the dress she purchased was one that was picked out when we were there.  Perhaps a post soon with all of the upcoming wedding plans for 3 awesome ladies in my life.

Speaking of awesome ladies, one of my mom's cousins has been posting a ton of old pictures on Facbook.  Some of the best ones come out on Thursdays and I reblog them for #tbt or Throwback Thursday.  Let me share a few with you.

Mom's Senior Picture

I really had to re-blog this picture because this is my mom's senior picture (circa 1972).  The thing that I am beginning to realize is that she and I look so incredibly similar.  Many people online thought this was black and white picture of me.  In fact, I showed people at work this picture and the double takes and triple takes were kind of amusing.  

Baby Heather and Mom

So I think this is from late 1986, because I look to only be about a year old.  Seriously, how cute was I but really I love the look on my mom's face.  I know I say this a lot but she was an awesome mom.  She was strong and kind.  She gave me space to be myself but was always there when I needed her and even when I thought I didn't need her.  She and I argued and fought about chores and curfews but really I always knew that I was loved by her and my dad.

Jenn and I after a football game, Senior Year

So this photo fits into two catagories.  This was a #selfie I took way back in the day after a football game.  We all went out to get food after marching for the game.  At the time, on our cell phones didn't have cameras (gasp the horror!) so I think I took this with a disposable film camera.  

The actual picture is hanging on my wall in my cube at work but thanks to a large scanner I can share it with you.  I couldn't ask for a better friend in Jenn and am so happy that we found each other freshman year.

So there you have it, a glimpse into the present and gander into the past.  I think I might do #selfie and #tbt posts more regularly so stay tuned.

<3 Heather

WIP Wednesday - Err Thursday? #2

Hello again, don't you just love the start of June?  I do.  I may not be a fan of the heat and humidity but early June is one of the best times of the year.  School is getting out, summer plans are being made and the season just brings a lovely energy to the community.

The temperature in early June is warm but not oppressive.  The nights are cool or as my mom would say "Good sleeping weather."  Plus the flowers are starting to bloom and perfume the air.

My favorite smell is honeysuckle that grows wild along some roads.  Particularly on the way home from my dad's house.  There is a stretch where the hillside is just full of the flowers and the air just smells sweet and clean.

It's those smells this morning on my way to work that reminded me that I should enjoy the weather before it gets too hot or too busy during the summer.

Speaking of busy, yesterday came and went and I forgot to take pictures so this post is a bit later than I would like but I wanted to update everyone on my progress.

Candy Skein Leftie

Lucky Shawl?

So it is with a frustrated heart that I update you all on the Penguins.  You may have noticed my series of playoff recap posts.  The Pens have made it deep into the playoffs and this round decides who goes on to the play for the Stanley Cup.  It is with a sad heart that I report to you that my beloved Pens are down 3 games in the best of 7 series.  The game tomorrow faces elimination and a sweep.  I am so distraught.

During the first game, I did my pregame rituals.  I got my knitting out, the shirt on the game on the ipad and started to watch.  It was an epic fail.  The next game not much better.  Last night, double overtime and a loss.  I don't know what else I can do but I keep working on the shawl to hope the good vibes help the team make an epic comeback.

Justice League Filler Squares

Just a square but it's going in an epic blanket

Before the round started, I wanted to work on something but didn't want to finish the Leftie too quickly so I started another filler square for my Justice League Blanket.  These blocks are fairly easy and mindless stockinette that can be taken anywhere.  The image above shows the 40 rows I have so far and I should get the rest done tonight at knit night.

Juego Sin Fin en el Verano (Endless Juego in Summer)

I ended up ripping this project out.  I just couldn't justify the time to make the shawl when I wasn't excited about doing the shawl or even wearing the shawl.  I learned a lot about using beads, reading charts and there are some aspects that were worth the time I took on the piece.  Instead I am going to use the yarn to make Lunar Tide.  It has a similar cable cast off that I can add beads too like the Juego and still have something that excites me and that I would wear.

Hue Shift Afghan

The latest addition to the afghan

Glamour Shot :)

I didn't work on this blanket but I did finally get some new pictures to show you.  Enjoy :)

Anyway, that was my week.  Hope yours is going well.

#letsgopens

For other WIPs check out Tami's Amis and Frontier Dreams

<3 Heather

Happy

One of my favorite things are the wake up sounds during spring.  Before you open your eyes but are conscious  I love the sound of the trees rustling in the breeze, the birds chirping and even the sound of a spring rain. Your ears tell you that the sun is shinning and the sky is blue before you even open up your eyes.  How can you wake up and be grumpy to that?

I can't though it does make me want to curl under the covers and close my eyes and listen for the rest of the morning and make me late for work.  As I walk into work most days in May, I am just struck by the beauty of it all.  The green of the trees and the blue sky.  The bold primary colors that make up our world.  It just makes me smile.

Lilacs from the bush in the back yard of My Dad's house.

But today, I remembered that I didn't get to appreciate spring let alone May last year.  Instead I was working the night shift and would only get a glimpse of the world waking up from winter before I crashed and woke up in the afternoon.  Before I knew it, the weather had warmed up into the heated summer months.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I content and happy.  Today is Mother's Day and it isn't as hard as last year.  I still miss my mom everyday but I know that I am blessed with great people in my life that have been filling the holes losing my mother has created.

My Aunt.

Aunt Suzie

We have grown closer and I wouldn't have been able to get through everything that happened without her.  She and my mom had their differences but they loved each other fiercely   Last year when I worked the night shift I would call her on my way to work to check in and just talk to someone before I spent the night awake answering calls.  I think we have been strong for each other and that has meant so much to me, even when she volunteers me to make funnel cake batter at the church festival :)

Carol

Carol is a friend of the family from church and while she has a family of her own, she took us all under her wing.  She and mom were partners in crime when it came to the baskets at the church festival and other things mom wrangled them into.  I know that my mom's passing really affected her but I think taking us in as her own helped all of us.  I would call Carol when I just needed someone to cry too and didn't want to upset my dad.

Aunt Becky and Francy

Aunt Becky was my mom's best friend from childhood.  She is a nurse and a wonderful human being.  Francy is her older sister and together they have been such a huge part of my life.  They watched me when I was a cubby baby when my grandfather passed away.  They always get the most amazing things from birthdays and christmas (even though they are Jewish) and always took to on great adventures.  I have fond memories of antiqueing and going to yarn sales to find cool new things for their home.  Aunt Francy spanned my love of science fiction.  Seriously I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 when I was like 6.  They are a super special part of my life and I don't know what I would do without them.

Jenn, Samie, Sarah, Lucy and Becky

Really my friends are wonderful.  While not mothers, they were more than capable of filling the void of friendship that I lost with my mom.  I told my mom pretty much everything.  She was my sounding board when I needed advise or when I needed advise to give my friends.  In turn, my friends are the glue that keep me together sometimes.  Thinking about what they mean to me makes me tear up but that's just how it is.


All of you who read the blog, are friends with me on Ravelry and have come into my life in this past year and a half.

I wanted to take a minute to thank you as well.  You have no idea what your kind words and comments have meant.  I have taken your advise about how to remember my mom.  I started periodically journaling things that are going on in letters to my mom.  I have taken comfort in your thoughts and prayers for me.  I wish there was a better way to say this but thank you.  If I could sky write it or post it on a billboard I would but I wanted you to know how much it all means to me.

Honestly,  there are so many people who have been there for me who helped to fill those gaps and to you I say Thank you.

<3 Heather

2012 Holiday Baking - Cranberry Squares

So here I am watching the CBS comedies and staring at a blank word document.

Yes, I am procrastinating.  I have a draft of my 20 page research paper due on next Monday and I haven't really started it.  I know it's a draft and the final isn't due until December but I want to get a  good start.

So instead of writing that I am writing up a recipe from the family vault.  Yes, procrastination is my friend :)

Like many families after generations, there are foods that just have to be at the holiday dinner.  For some it's pie, others a cookie recipe.  At Thanksgiving, we have to have cranberry squares.

These squares are tart and sweet with a hearty oatmeal crust.  I never know if it's a cookie or a side but its always there and everyone loves them.

Cranberry Squares

In fact, a few years ago, my mom accused me and my dad of sneaking a piece even though we hadn't.  I went up to ask if I could have a slice before I went back to my apartment and she turns to me and exclaims, "You and your dad already had a piece didn't you!  You're thick as thieves!"  Now I know that may sound accusatory but as soon as I started laughing she did too.

We went downstairs and told dad and really it was the family joke.  I think my dad swiped a chunk the last time she made them and so I was lumped into the blame.

The recipe card

The topping

The crust

Grandma Lily's Cranberry Squares:

2 Cups of Cranberries
1 Cup of Hot Water
1 Cup of Sugar
1/2 cup of chopped nuts

3/4 cup shortening
1 cup of brown sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 cup rolled oats

Cook the cranberries, water, sugar and nuts until all of the sugar has dissolved.

Cream the shortening and brown sugar.  Add baking soda, flour and oats.  Pat into a 9x13 inch pan.  Pour cooled cranberry mixture over the crust.

Bake at 375º for 30 minutes.

WIP Wednesday - Pops of Color

Hello all, I trust that you have had a great week!  

Sunday was the 1 year anniversary of losing my mom.  The day definitely had a pall of melancholy over it but it wasn't as bad as I anticipated.  I had planned to make a pie as Pumpkin from PumpkinSpins suggested but I took a nap after church instead.  As I have mentioned in past posts, the act of making those pies just relaxes me and reminds me of all of the amazing women in my family that I have lost, plus they are pretty tasty.  So when Pumpkin made the suggestion earlier in the month I knew it was the right way to remember my mom, alas time got away from me.  

Serious baking this year!  Peach Raspberry, Cherry and Apple

So this coming weekend, aside from Light Up Night and volunteering at Pittsburgh Indie Knit and Spin, the holiday baking will get started.  My friends are having a Friendsgiving to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday with their friends.  I am really excited because I can't remember the last time I was at a big gathering for the holidays.  Anyway, I want to take a dessert so I will probably make cranberry squares (family recipe I will share next week) I need to make something else as well.  If you have any suggestions, please let me know :).

Alrighty, now to my yarn progress.  Again I am entranced by the colors floating through the Hue Shift Afghan and that is what got worked on the most.

Hue Shift Afghan

I am in love with the pink pop of color with the red!

So I am behind as today is the 14th and I only have 8 blocks done but whatever, knitting is supposed to be fun not a chore right.  

I think after I finish this row I am going to block it with Toothpicks for a challenge in Nerd Wars.  Then the pressure is off to get all 25 squares done and I can get some other things done as well.

Overall, I love this project.  I love watching the colors blend and meld into a great pattern and can't wait to finish this block.

Other Projects:

I did get a couple rows done on the Orange Justice League Filler Squares but it's nothing to really photograph. I am also working on a gift for my Secret Santa swap partner from Nerd Wars. I hope she likes it! At lunch I am going to get some more supplies and try and find awesome other things to stuff the box with.

So that's my progress this week, how about you?

For other WIPs check out Tami's Amis and Frontier Dreams   

<3 Heather

Seasons of Change

Every year when the weather cools down and the mornings and evenings are crisp and cool I know fall is in the air.  I love love love this time of year, it truely is one of the best things about living in the northeastern part of the country.  The impending seasons bring to mind colorful leaves, apple pies, pumpkin cookies, Oktoberfest and back to school.

Apple pie made earlier this month

Now my friends generally know that I love back to school stuff, I even put school supplies on layaway one year.  Honestly, crayons, pens, pencils, paper and markers were toys in my house so what better time to stock up when ailses of the mega marts are full of the wonderfull products.  Seriously I drool.

Anyway, as I price shop my text book for my next Grad class I am whistful for college and being a freshman again.  I don't think that I was misty-eyed or homesick to much because I was just excited. Excited about my future and everything the world had in store for me.  I was a firm believer that the world was my oyster and I was going to relish in everything it had to offer.

Looking back now, I miss the selfishness of being on my own for the first time and basking in my first taste of adult hood.  I miss my dorm room with the tye-dye comforter and the bright red sheets.  I miss my colorful posters and lights strung around the room.  I miss my roommates and the goofy things we got up too.  I just miss that feeling of carefree and opportunity while dipping a toe into adulthood with training wheels attached.

My side of the Dorm Room

I admit I am so lucky.  I chose a major which I loved and it lead me to a career that I enjoy and am proud but before that started I had to leave home for school.  Granted school was about 20 minutes away but I was living on campus and away from home.

Mom was so amazing when I went off to college.  After we unloaded my things and I got set up, my mom and my cousin (Dad started a new job and couldn't get off work) had to head home and instead of going back to my dorm for a final goodbye.  My mom just gave me a hug around my box of books and said,  "We have head home so were are going to part here."  I remember saying, "You mean you aren't going to come up with me?"  She shook her head and gave me a big hug (Amy did too) a I watched them both walk to the cross walk, cross the street and go to the parking garage.

I felt as if I was moving in slow motion and the colors and sounds were just whipping around me as I focused on them leaving.  I am surprised now that I didn't cry, instead I shurgged and walked into the dorm building and made my way to my room.

I realize now that this was probably one of the hardest things my mom has done.  She let me go.  She let me grow and change into an adult that is self sufficient and independent.  I think that was a source of comfort for her in the end.

So as I snuggle under my blankets before starting my day or breathe in the crisp air, I remember the great things that happened in college but understand it allowed me to be who I am today.  I know Mom is proud and laughs each time I get another package of highlighters.

Little Things in Life

This time of year is always a bit hard.  Friday, August 3, marked 15 years since my grandmother died from Leukemia.  Saturday, August 4, marked 6 years since my Gull Bladder Surgery.  And on Saturday, August 11, it's been 9 months since I lost my mom.

I honestly am doing better.  I am a little thankful that I blogged a lot earlier in the year because I don't remember much of it.  I was going through the motions and apart of sparks of significant events, it's all a blur.

I still mourn a bit everyday for my mom but the loss isn't as severe.  I still pause when I want to call and tell my mom something.  I want to see her smiling face and know everything is going to be okay.  But there are silver linings, my dad and I are so much closer now. I also feel so much stronger than before and I am also easier on myself.  

What can I say, I am (was?) a perfectionist.  I honestly try not take myself too seriously but it happens.  I am full of passion about work and my career that suddenly everything becomes so serious.  

So what's a girl to do to relax?  I think its all about the little things that help to put us back into perspective.

Jenn (best friend from High School) and I got together and wandered around the mall and had dinner.  

December 2010, Mom was there too.

She has been working so hard lately that we really have to plan to get to see each other.  I wanted to go for a walk but it was too hot so wandering around the mall was a good second option plus retail therapy helps fight the blues right?

So we bought clothes and got lured into a tea shop where I found this little gizmo.

It's a Tea Steaper!

Seriously how cool (or should I say hot :p ) is that?  It steeps the leaves and then like magic you put it over the cup and it dispenses.  Really it is all about the little things sometimes.

Overall, this is a busy week but I am so happy Jenn and I got some time to hang out.  She always makes me laugh and she has been one of the rocks in my life that helps me to get through the hard times.  Thanks Jenn!

---

In other news, classes are fast approaching but so is fall and that is my favorite time.  I have some plans to blog a bit more.  While I am not apologizing for my lack of posts, there is just so much more I want to share so be prepared.

I should be able to cook more and show you all my creations.  Plus it's pie season and I love making pies!

I still have to get pictures off of my camera from my DC trip with my friend Stephanie.  

Yarny goodness of course will continue

<3 Heather

Side Tracked

As the early morning light hit my eyes this morning, I took a moment to realize that summer is finally here.  The time of year so many look forward too.  The warm weather and barbecues, no school and vacations.  

As I convinced myself that it was time to get up, I feel anxiety that the time is just slipping past me in a never ending carousel ride.  I feel like it was just yesterday that I waxed poetically about spring peaking out through the dirges of winter.  

Spring Tulips

The green of the foliage has since changed from the promise of yellow, through the life affirming green into the stressful brown.  The heat of summer is upon us finally.  Do I pay attention to the song birds or am I more concerned with the hum of the air conditioning kicking in?

I admit that my favorite seasons are spring and fall.  The sunshine is a welcome accompaniment and change from the grey skies of winter and the scorching heat of summer.  I long for the colors that are only visible in spring and fall.  But in this heat of summer, I am trying to find the silver lining through it all.  We long for this time in the dead of winter and yet it's easy think toward the cooler weather in our future.  

Instead I try to find relief and in turn realize that it's not so bad.  This week even I realized that if there is a breeze no matter how hot, the heat isn't so bad.  And with the breeze there is a longing for blue waters and sand between my toes.

Miami Beach - May 2007

How is it that when we are on vacation, we can endure the heat?  We long for it and bask in the scorching sun and run into the blue waters?  Maybe it's the change in scenery, maybe it's a chance to escape our lives back home for a short time, maybe it's just vacation and you shouldn't question it.

I don't think I will get to see the beach this summer but I am having cravings for the humid sea air and the call of gulls.  I loved sleeping to the sounds of the ocean and waking up early to watch the sunrise with my mom on the porch.

But perhaps that is my dilemma, I miss my mother everyday.  Some days, it's a fond memory.  Other days it's an overwhelming desire to talk to her and the subsequent frustration and tears that I can no longer hear the sound of her voice.  Or maybe it's days like today where I stop to reflect and wonder how I made it almost 8 months without her.  Where has the time really gone?

I remember after she died that the days and weeks seemed endless.  Now the days have once again sped up to light speed.  I truly have no clue where May went and now that my birthday has come and gone, what happened to June?  Before I know it, will fall be upon me?  Will I be excited about school supplies and going back to grad school?  

Everything changes.  If I didn't get it before, I definitely get it now.  I work hard everyday to not wish the time away.  To cherish the sunrise and sunset and make the most of each day.  Because if I don't the days will just pass by me and who would want that to happen.

Iguazu Falls, Brazil - May, 2007

<3 Heather

Spring has Sprung

There is a green that only occurs once a year,  When the trees and flowers wake up from their long winter naps and come to life.   The green that nature presents starts out almost yellow and gradually turns into a lush and prefect green as it soaks up the rain and sunshine that spring provides.

Aside from suffering from allergies, I love spring.  I love the renewal of the season and anticipatory feelings that anything is possible.  Dreams and wishes seem real and all you have to do is fulfill them.

This past weekend, I got a chance to take some pictures of the flowers around my dad's house.  I still need to do some massive weeding but the bulbs and lilacs are coming into bloom.

I love the smell of Lilacs

 I am afraid the weather got to our lilacs this year.  We have had quite a bit of warm weather earlier than usual and then a few hard frosts in between.  Our lilac bushes are usually bursting with color and smell but not this year.

I had to hang off the side of the deck to get this shot.

Another thing about spring is all of the bulb flowers that just pop out of the winter ground like little zombies and then bloom into lovely daffodils, tulips, hyacinth, and crocuses.  I may have said in the past that at some point in my life, I want to go to Holland for their tulip festival.  Riots of color and patterns that bloom in the spring.

The sun created really pretty shadows while I was taking pictures.

 
My mom loved Tulips and there are various blubs planted around the house that are so cheerful and colorful.  I think I may have to get some more bulbs this fall and pollute the front garden so next spring is just a riot of color.

I loved the inside of this tulip

Really isn't that the magic of spring, these beautiful flowers are popping out of no where but the days are warm but there is a crispness and coolness that reminds you that winter was just in the air.

What are you doing?

But then again, to Zoey it just means more birds to chase and more sun spots to snooze in.

What do you love about Spring?

<3 Heather

Rasberries and Peaches

So I made another pie this weekend.  I know it's a shocker but this weekend was a bit different.  There I was working on reducing down the raspberries and peaches for the pie (I was also caramelizing onions for the meatloaf, Yummy! But I digress) and my Dad walks into the kitchen and says, "You have been baking a lot lately"

Yes, yes I have.  I know I have mentioned many times that I learned my baking and cooking from my family (and a healthy sprinkling of the Food Network) but my Dad's comment got me thinking about why I was really baking. 

Anyway, I pondered it and got back to the baking and ending up with this great pie.

How yummy does that look?

But it wasn't until I read this post and saw this picture* of  Julia Child that I truly understood what I was doing.  I realized today that I was honoring those who taught me everything I know culinary wise. 

I smile each and every time I pick up the rolling pin with the burnt handle and know that for generations, women in my family have been rolling out pie dough for their loved ones. (My mother borrowed the rolling pin ages ago from her great grandmother and never gave it back.  To quote her, "I wasn't done borrowing it, yet")

I remember sitting on my Great Grandmother's counter and pinching the dough to seal the crust.  I remember cutting and slicing apples.  I remember coming home from school in the fall to the smell of cooked apple, cinnamon and love.  Memories really withstand the test of time through food, don't they?

When I started on this pie journey a few weeks ago, it was just to satisfy an urge for a cherry pie and prove that I could do it.  I can't tell you the last time I had made one even with my mom's help, and yet I remember all of the things they taught me.  How to cut the shortening into the dough, how to roll out the dough, how to pinch, how to make sure you add butter and leave slits in the top for air.  It all came rushing back like they were standing over me when I was small.

I cannot tell you how much I want to show my future children and grandchildren and friend's children because these lessons are a gift from one generation to the next.  I am so happy to have had that in my life.

<3 Heather

* For those of you not following the links.  The picture was of Julia demonstrating a frosting technique to a young Merida.

Easy As Pie

Okay, things aren't always easy as pie but I did make an Apple Pie this weekend and it turned out amazing!

Apple Pie with Classic Crust

The women in my family can bake and as you know I have been baking since I could reach the counter on a chair.  I love baking because to me it's a connection with my family.  I love using the old rolling pin that has been passed down for generations and feeling the wonderful bake goods it has produced.  Family just means so much more to me now than ever before.

Anyway, I didn't realize it until my dad said something but Sunday was 4 months for my Mom's passing.  It still hurts but the pain is duller than before. Nothing is like before and I am now living a new version of normal but holiday's are hard and I am so not looking forward to Mother's Day.

It really is the little things that affect me the most.  I finished something that I was knitting (I will show you later in the week) and I just wanted to call my mom and tell her about it.  I see something funny and want to share it.  I am scared and concerned about something and want her reassurance that everything will be okay.

As Easter gets closer, I look at the house and think I need to decorate but worry that I won't find the time.  I don't know how she did it and wonder if she knew how much I appreciated her.  As I got older, the teenage angst and frustrations went away and the love was really apparent.  I miss her so much and everything still seems so surreal but a new normal is starting to be established.  I just need to keep taking one day at a time, which is easy as pie, right?

<3 Heather

Pie in the Sky

In a similar vein to yesterday, here is a picture from the front of my Apartment complex.  After 24 hours, notice the lack of snow.

Taken this morning outside of my apartment on my way to work.

Seriously, what is going on with this weather.

Weather rant aside, I am so excited to show you the cherry pie I made this past weekend. I only recall making apple pies so I wanted to challenge myself with a cherry pie.  I was a little nervous because with apple, you put the raw apples in and bake it but for the cherry I had to make the filling first. 

Cherry Pie Filling

I used this Cherry Pie Recipe from The Food Network.  I adapted the recipe by adding some lemon juice and zest to help make the cherries a little tart. I also used 2 bags of frozen cherries which was about 6 cups.  Note: I didn't use all of the liquid because it would have overflowed the pie pan.

I have to say, I was incredibly impressed by how easy this recipe was in comparison to apple pie.  I didn't have to peel and slice apples just threw the defrosted cherries in a sauce pan and cooked til the juice released and added the flavorings, sugar and corn starch.  Voila!  Cherry Pie Filling!

While this was cooling, I worked on the pie crust.  We have always used a shortening based crust, but what I didn't realize was that it was the Crisco Pie Crust until I couldn't find the recipe card and on a whim checked the back of the Crisco Stick Label.  Low and behold there was our "family" recipe.  Now I am not blaming my grandmother for pawning off a Crisco recipe as her own but it's funny how over time things develop into "family" recipes. 

Shortening Cut into Flour and Salt

Anyway, the best thing about following the Crisco recipe was a few clarifying steps.  I made sure the shortening was cold before I cut it into the flour and salt. You can use a food processor but I prefer to cut the shortening by hand.

I also made sure that I chilled the dough for 30 minutes before rolling it out. 

Rolled out dough.  I am incapable of rolling out circles.

Both of these tips really made a nice crust.  My mom didn't take these steps and her crust was always a but floury but mine came out nice and flaky.  I do wonder what it would taste like with butter flavored shortening. I will have to try that the next time.

Pie just out of the oven

Just a dusting of Flour will do

I admit I forgot to dot the pie with butter before I up it in the oven but I don't know if it needed it.  It was really tasty.  Also this was the first time that I made a lattice top crust.  It's not perfect but I am really proud of how it came out.

I did however remember to do some other tricks for making pies.  First, I made sure I added a bit of flour at the bottom of the crust before I poured in the filling.  This helps thicken the filling so it doesn't run over. 


I also made sure I used the pie drip pan.  This doughnut shaped pan catches anything that may run over but it also allows heat to move around the pie for even cooking.

The one in the front has been in the family forever, the one in back is a new non-stick version

My First Pie!

Well, I can't wait to make another cherry pie, or maybe a mixed berry pie in the future.  Pie has always been easy but then again, I have been making them for as long as I remember.

I tend to think of baking as my specialty but really its so much more than that.  To pull out the recipes (original or otherwise) that my family has made for years allows me to connect to the past.  I can feel my mom, grandmothers, great grandmother and other relatives guiding my hands as I create wonderful and delectable creations.  I can't wait to share these with my children and grandchildren.

Can I get you a slice of pie?

Oh SNOW, you didn't!

Here in Southwestern PA, we have had a very mild winter.  After the last few years of heavy snow and storms, this weather has been refreshing but any deviation from the mild weather is annoying.  So for the first time in what seems like months, we have Snow.

Taken this morning outside of my Apartment on my way to work

The worst thing about all of this is that the forecast is calling for 65º F weather later in the week (bye bye snow!)

This was the accumulation yesterday around 2 PM EST

Snow and cold weather just inspire me to cook and bake, this weekend I made soup and a cherry pie.  I was going to make Chicken Parm for dinner but ran out of time before an event Dad and I had to go to Sunday Evening. 

My mom loved soup and usually made it during the week to have for lunch and with dinners.  I learned to cook through helping out and can now make a mean Chicken Noodle Soup.  I don't have exact measurements for this recipe but here it is anyway.

Note: Vary the ingredients to taste, that's the best part of cooking and I only know how to make soup in large quantities.

Finished Soup

Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients:

4 Chicken Thighs
Celery (Chopped)
Carrots (Chopped)
Onion (Chopped)
Parsley (Minced)
1 Box of Chicken Broth
2 Chicken Bouillon Cubes
Water
Noodles (egg, stars, alphabets)

Combine all of the ingredients and cover with water.  Bring to a boil and then reduce heat and simmer for at least 2 hours but longer is better.  Drain liquid into a separate pot and remove Chicken Thighs.  Remove meat from bone and discard bones and skin.  Return chicken meat and veggies back to the stock and put back on low heat.  Skim any fat that may accumulate.  Cook noodles according to package directions drain and rinse with cold water to stop cooking.  Mix into Soup.  Serve.  (Makes a lot)

Now from there I doctored it up.  I added a bouquet of Rosemary, Thyme, and Sage as well as a pierced lemon to add additional flavor while the broth was simmering. 

Stock bubbling away.

Tip:  If you want to remove herbs later, bundle them in cooking twine and leave a tail to wind around the handle of the pot.  When finished cooking, it can be removed like a tea bag.

Mirepoix of Onion, Carrot and Celery

Now the quantities of veggies are vague because it's to taste but mainly its 1 large onion, 2-4 stalks of celery and 2-4 carrots.  Depending on size.  Dad helped me with that.  He made a good Soux Chef.

Dad the Soux Chef

I also made Cherry Pie and I took pictures, but I think I am going to save that for tomorrow.  It was yummy and so you will just have to wait to see how awesome it is.

Did you have a good weekend?  What do you think about the crazy weather?

<3 Heather